*#$! My Daughter Says

People say weird things.  Want proof?  There are television shows dedicated to weird things fathers say (*#$! My Dad Says), books dedicated to weird things kids write (Mortified), and people sing about weird topics (Rock Me Amadeus/Safety Dance).

Dylan is no exception.  She spouts out random things like a homeless drunk.  Yesterday, she named our couches.  Our living room couches are Kylie and Dalton ... our friends' children.  Fair enough.  She must have run out of friend ideas, because the other couch got tagged with the name Nibeelyoutz.

This morning we put on a new shirt for pre-school.  I cut off the tag and she wanted to keep it.  It read "Fun Clothes For Cool Girls."  Dylan took one look at it told me it was written by God.  She'll also tell me that any gift for her was from "Baby Jeejus."  That one might be my fault for watching too much "Talladega Nights."

I figured I needed to start writing her deep, zen-like comments down when she looked up at me one day and asked, "Daddy, how you got all those hairs in your nose?"  Such an angel.

When my nieces started school, the teacher told the parents that she'd only believe half the things their children told her about their parents if they only believed half the things the children said about the teacher.  Great advice, and so far, in pre-school, Dylan hasn't come home with anything scandalous.  Although, I went to pick her up last week and the teacher asked what happened to our fish.  We don't have a fish, and I told her so.  Apparently, Dylan told the class that her fish ran away from home.  I figured the fish story was fine, especially since she'd just told a stranger in McDonald's that she went to school in Africa.

The best, or worst, happened when my cousin Kerri came up for a visit.  Kerri was wearing a shirt I'd call "puffy," but I think my wife would say "peasant top."  It was a new shirt (are girl shirts called blouses?  I'm never sure.) and, I think, Kerri kind of liked it.  Until Dylan told her, "Pretty soon you're going to have a baby."  Thankfully, Kerri has a sense of humor.  She swore she'd never wear that shirt again and thanked Dylan for her honesty.  I'm sure she won't be back to visit until Dylan's out of the house.

I'm going to keep writing down all the weird stuff Dylan says, just let me trim my unsightly nose hairs first.