Sunday, May 5, 2013

Ted Nugent turns 6

As a kid, whenever I made a wish (candles, stars, chicken bones), my two go-to items were chocolate cake and a .22 pistol.  I know, not the highest of aspirations ... but I was a sugar-starved bumpkin with a penchant for shooting stuff, so those were obvious choices.  Dylan, similarly, has a go-to wish list: dolls and stuffed animals.  We're working on her making good decisions, and I think it needs to start with this list of hers.  First of all, she has a room loaded with stuffed animals and dolls.  Sometimes I swear that her teddy bears are getting freaky beneath her bed because they seem to multiply every time we do a cell room sweep.  Secondly, she doesn't play with 99% of them.  I'm trying to get her to see the practical side of wishing for sweets and weapons.

This year, for her 6th birthday, my advice finally took hold.  She crossed off "stuffed animal" from her list and added what all 6-year old princesses want: a compound bow.  I was ecstatic, but Regina took out her crystal ball, looked one week into the future, saw Grady wearing an eye-patch, and quickly talked me out of a trip to The Sportsman's Warehouse.

Despite the bow-less birthday, Dylan still had a memorable day.  Hilary at the bakery gave her 6 donut holes -- which she shoved into her mouth before I could suggest that she save a couple for snack.  After school, Regina surprised her with a trip to Christy's to get her ears pierced.  For dinner, it was an all-request meal: cake and pizza ("The student has become the master," I thought).  And, before the pizza came out of the oven, Dylan hurled all over the kitchen floor.  I came home from irrigating to a sick girl standing over the toilet, and Regina holding her nose and a mop.  I figured birthday girl barf would be glittery and rainbow colored.  It's not.  It's super-gross.

Luckily, Dylan rebounded from her flu, and two days later she had 10 little princesses over for a cookie decorating, trampoline bouncing, Barbie-cake and pizza eating, and general willy-nilly behavior party.  It was exhausting.

Dylan has shoved most of her new gifts beneath her covers and I'm fairly certain she examines each one like it's a clue from CSI: Eastside when she's supposed to be sleeping.  Tonight, while Regina was at book club and Grady was snuggled up in bed, I ate dinner on the couch while Dylan told me about her day.  We turned on the television and everybody's favorite bow hunting show, Chasing Tail, was on.  "What's that thing he's shooting," Dylan asked about one of the character's very expensive bows.  "A compound bow," I said before I could stop myself.  And I could see the flicker of recognition behind her eyes ... Oh yeah, I was supposed to be getting a bow for my birthday.  You thought you could get that one past me with Hello Kitty and Lalaloopsy.  Well played, Dad.  Well played.  So, I guess we'll be taking a trip to The Sportsman's Warehouse soon.  Maybe my wish will come true while we're there and I'll get some cake.

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